One Good Cry

STOP RIGHT THERE…

Before you go any further, I want you to go somewhere private, away from noise, in a comfortable place… Relax your muscles, reach deep down in the pit of your soul, and enjoy one good cry. At least one. A messy one if you can! Snotty nosed – Meshell Ndegeocello & Sade mix on repeat shuffle – imagine rain if you need it – just cry dammit. I am convinced that crying is simply something we need to do more of. I used to be embarassed by my tears. I associated crying with weakness, with proof of inferiority, with evidence of simple-mindedness. I set myself on a journey to desensitize myself to the world. At some point, I recognized, this is no way to live. And besides… Tears actually make me smile. Every time I shed a few, I can’t help but follow them with a smile. Whether I’m sharing tears of joy, or tears of sorrow, my tears remind me that I am alive. Yes, I am here. I know this because I *feel*.

Embracing the feel of life didn’t happen overnight. I journeyed to this place. In my journey to desensitize myself, I reasoned that it would be a way for me to never feel sad. I come from a family riddled with a host of mental & neurological illnesses (alzheimers, epilepsy, depression, anxiety, psychosis, personality disorders galore). Even though aware of these disorders, we all struggle with recognizing mental wellness as something we need to constantly work on. So the solution – supposedly, is to avoid any connectedness with any emotion. That way, you’ll never “suffer” from having to deal, and voila! your psychosis will never set in. Yeah right. [Insert *side eye*] This is what I call a recipe for disaster. I’m shaking off family practices of stoicism. I don’t want immunity from sorrow. Keep your soma. For one to be immune from sorrow, they must ultimately be immune to joy. Coexistence will leave you with deep sense of loneliness – and I believe we were all made for community. I believe we were made for sensation. You have GOTS to feel this. Stoicisim does not have a long shelf life. I believe this wholeheartedly. I want ever minute of my life to be saturated with a sense of awareness. I want to feel it all…

The first step in reclaiming and embracing this awareness, is with one good cry. At least once a week. A deep in my soul digging cry. An intimate moment with Christ cry. A God showing Her face cry. A journey to peace cry. A cry of gratitude, a cry of heightened sensation, a cry of sorrow, a cry of pain, a cry of disappointment, a cry for the sorrow of others, a cry for trials and tribulations, a cry for the overworked and underpaid, a cry for the criminal justice system, a cry for hope, a cry for change, a cry of excitement, a cry of appreciation, a cry of immense love, a cry of sensory overload… I’m enjoying this. I think you will too… Have yourself one good cry!

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